Aawkwaaaaard!!!!!

Breakfast time. Mom served upma today. I asked mom to get an omelette (Got used to the Wednesday upma-omelette combo at Nicmar. That was the only day I felt worth waking up to have breakfast). Dad and I have a habit of having breakfast in the living room watching TV. Today I was watching Friends in Star world and when it was time for commercials, I started browsing through the channels and stopped at Travel and Living (I keep myself away from the regional channels for two reasons- one, staying away from TV for almost six years, I don’t follow those never-ending soaps in which crying and scheming remain the main parts forever and two, I don’t have a great taste for those dance or song shows where it is more of catfights than the actual song-dance stuff). 

And in this channel, today they were showing some costumes and I was like Waaaaawwww!!!(aloud) seeing those robes. And then I realized it is all belly dancing stuff. I was nicely watching and suddenly, two gals lifted their tops up exposing their bellies and started shaking their bellies in rhythm, belly dancing. Aaawkwaaaaard!!!!
 

I felt really awkward watching that with dad. I actually appreciate belly dance since I have first read about it years back in ‘The guide’ written by R.K. Narayan and I really appreciate the talent behind those fluid graceful movements. But sometimes, when all of a sudden, such not-quite-so-decent stuff comes on when we sit there nicely watching the TV with the family, I feel eeeeesssssshhhhh. I can’t even pick the remote up to change the channel. I just pray for the time to pass quickly. I hate that feeling. Such times, I take a sudden interest in the floor or the ceiling or anything else in the room and start focusing on it as if I am looking at it for the first time. Or I start picking my nails or I try to open up a nasty conversation if my sis happens to be beside me. Else, there’s an awkward silence where nobody makes eye contact or speaks until it’s gone off.
 

Of the late, at home, I happened to come across many such awkward situations. When somebody brings up the topic of my marriage at home, I feel really awkward. I feel awkward about this only before mom-dad. Maybe it has something to do with guilt as well. Being in a family full of girl-cousins who are all married and I being the very next one in chronological order in the queue, I faced this situation quite a lot of times lately. Everyone who comes home says “ So Deepu, It is your turn next eh?” Turning towards mum-day they give these free advices, “ So when are you planning to get her married? Do it ASAP. Days have changed. It’s risky sending our girls alone to cities.” 
 

ggrrrrrrr!!!!! I just don’t know where to wrap my head and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to behave or what I’m supposed to feel with that. I hide behind the curtains and try to slip away from the scene. For reasons obvious, I don’t feel comfortable and I find it tough to handle such situations dead-panned. The worst part is, when I sneak off from the room silently, people think I am blushing and shying away and they take that stupid dumb awkward smile I wear on my face as a shy smile and compel my dad even stronger.